I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?