Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

  (631): View more from New York

  what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

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  (631): so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night. (631): what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK http://tfl.nu/1v47
  Replies (34) Good night (7297) Bad night (1382)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"

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  (603): sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!" http://tfl.nu/halh
  Replies (7) Good night (1437) Bad night (3969)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'

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  (636): The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.' http://tfl.nu/hueh
  Replies (10) Good night (1112) Bad night (4462)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  ..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing

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  (709): ..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing http://tfl.nu/8uai
  Replies (6) Good night (2859) Bad night (865)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

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  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7948) Bad night (1170)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool

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  (574): Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool http://tfl.nu/b45a
  Replies (7) Good night (731) Bad night (1454)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?

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  (610): At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again? http://tfl.nu/9wdz
  Replies (10) Good night (3443) Bad night (892)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.

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  (205): After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis. http://tfl.nu/x2c8
  Replies (4) Good night (2057) Bad night (563)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.

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  (970): I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message. http://tfl.nu/3foq
  Replies (6) Good night (2009) Bad night (608)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.

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  (+61): I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7. http://tfl.nu/on6e
  Replies (10) Good night (1428) Bad night (854)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close

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  (618): I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close http://tfl.nu/i5mu
  Replies (3) Good night (1319) Bad night (523)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock

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  (850): She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock http://tfl.nu/s796
  Replies (8) Good night (854) Bad night (1784)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!

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  (870): Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking! http://tfl.nu/tcnj
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (295)
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  (408): View more from California

  I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi

  (408): View more from California

  so I peed on it

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  (408): I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi (408): so I peed on it http://tfl.nu/hxc3
  Replies (5) Good night (1020) Bad night (312)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD

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  (928): HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD http://tfl.nu/9xyp
  Replies (6) Good night (229) Bad night (411)

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