He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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