just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)