Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme