4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell