Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.