Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

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(513): god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is" http://tfl.nu/c0jq

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(440): View more from Ohio

well look at the bright side

(440): View more from Ohio

maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"

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(440): well look at the bright side (440): maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" http://tfl.nu/k7gn

Replies (6) Good night (610) Bad night (3512)
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(330): View more from Ohio

just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c

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(330): just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c http://tfl.nu/s239

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(614): View more from Ohio

Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....

(614): View more from Ohio

We've got ourselves a situation

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(614): Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and.... (614): We've got ourselves a situation http://tfl.nu/efwe

Replies (51) Good night (7043) Bad night (637)
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(219): View more from Indiana

She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.

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(219): She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over. http://tfl.nu/obg8

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(305): View more from Florida

What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"

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(305): What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?" http://tfl.nu/3mlg

Replies (8) Good night (796) Bad night (3641) Order T-Shirt
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(816): View more from Missouri

Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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(816): Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing. http://tfl.nu/pnzr

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(316): View more from Kansas

Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.

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(316): Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all. http://tfl.nu/i7x5

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(626): View more from California

Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.

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(626): Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here. http://tfl.nu/81th

Replies (3) Good night (1931) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
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(607): View more from New York

She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.

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(607): She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine. http://tfl.nu/vfal

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(519): View more from Ontario

My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"

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(519): My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade" http://tfl.nu/3niq

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(317): View more from Indiana

His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...

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(317): His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip... http://tfl.nu/pj0o

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(907): View more from Alaska

Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.

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(907): Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina. http://tfl.nu/7bx7

Replies (2) Good night (731) Bad night (315)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.

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(908): Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers. http://tfl.nu/nu4z

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.

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(832): We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad. http://tfl.nu/9s88

Replies (3) Good night (938) Bad night (284)

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