i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.