drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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