Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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