he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All the doctor said was why
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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