If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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