Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
