I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
