oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
