I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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