so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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