Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i dont even know how to be here
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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