i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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