I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
