I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Small penises have feelings too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
