Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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