YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
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I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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