I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
