You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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