I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
