does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
