Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
thus making me awesome and them whores
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
