i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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