jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
