I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
