wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
