I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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