we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
