I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
