yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
