I just threw up on my dentist
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
