I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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