remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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