I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
