The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
