If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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