chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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