i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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