Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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