you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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