You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
