I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
