Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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