My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize