Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
