Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
