We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
