I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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