i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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