forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
