just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
