I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
