He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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