the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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