Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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