I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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