I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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