i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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