turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
