I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
