DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
